I think I need to pull over and ask for directions

who would have thought that this is where we'd be?

that our lives, and lies, and truths, and using

would align in this most comely circumstance;

that lust would bow in the presence of frienship

and frienship would lay down it's crown;

that you and I would be here existing

that you and I would cease to be

in seperate entities:

just one.

The candle on my coffee table
went out just as i finished my poem.
i thought it symbolic,
that wafting smoke sacred,
and the wick slowly loosing it's flame
ominous.
I pulled a little more wick through
and lit the flame again.
I sat and watched it burn for a couple of seconds
envious of that flame, dancing in the breeze.
I'm not sure if there is an explenation,
who can share my flame-like dance,
the way I dance 'til I burn out,
then find another
to ember.

mediocrity is not for me

perhaps I'm growing bored
with you, or the ideas
inside my head.
perhaps, this, was
never meant to be,
and perhaps it should now end.
how quickly I do change my mind
just as quickly as you change your sheets
how quick we were to jump in them
and let our cries escape
within the heat.
I sat on your couch this morning,
and read some poetry
I wished that you would read it too,
but you were staring at the screen.
I want to exist,
in the notes we have written,
the looks we have given,
and the kisses we've shared.
I want the smile you wear in bed
to be quantifying, always there.
I didn't glow on the way home,
or buzz on sexed caffeine,
(at least not the way I did before.)

My favorite pink tank top

I found my favorite pink tank top
when I returned home this evening
from my busy day.
It was crumpled on the floor, and wrinkled,
and I looked at it lying there, and it winked at me.
I was taken aback by the wink, and filled with immediate wonder at what it might be trying to tell me.
I picked it up.
I smelled it.
The scent rushed over me, a combination
of my perfume and your shower gel,
of your skin, touching mine;
And it all came rushing back.
I suddenly knew what it had been trying to remind me.
Of the last evening we spent together.
It was trying to remind me, that it had been much happier
lying on the floor of your apartment kitchen,
than it was on my cold bedroom floor.
It was whispering under all life's noises, of my early mornings
and internship hours, and papers to write.
Just waiting for me to root through my piles of clothes,
and find it, so that we could talk about our memories.
I decided it was a girl, and as I smelled her
she recounted details of that night for me.
She reminded me of the way you had slipped her bright pink straps off my shoulders with such ease,
with such affection, while your
mouth took me in, as your time
melted with mine.
She whispered in my ear as I held her to my face
and recounted for me the way she hadn't even made it to your bedroom. That she had been
exposed in the living room
and hastily thrown off on the trip past
your small kitchen.
She stayed quiet as I walked holding her in my hands
from my bedroom to the living room.
She lay next to me on the couch
as I sat, legs tucked under myself
writing this poem.
She lay there, within my sight,
as I got lost in memories of you and I,
and replayed the conversation I had had with
my favorite professor about you
earlier at the little coffee shop uptown.
I found my favorite pink tank top
when I returned home this evening
from my busy day.
It was crumpled on the floor, and wrinkled,
and I looked at it lying there, and it winked at me.

what i have learned from my hardships in the past three months

I'm so glad this semester is coming to a close.
I feel like I'm finally getting acclimated, and now it's over; but that's okay because I'm taking more than a full time schedule for summer which will keep my momentum moving forward.
I'm finally just me here at school again, and even though the adjustment has been hard (harder than I could have imagined) I have a great sense that everything is going to be okay now.
I have learned some pretty hard lessons this semester.
I've learned that I'm not in my small town anymore, and that not every teacher is going to give a shit whether or not I'm doing well in their class (or give me second chances to do so).
I've learned that while making a change can be hard, it's harder when you jump into unstable things like romantic relationships.
I've learned that it is up to me to get involved, it's not going to come to me.
I've learned that it's virtually impossible to work enough hours to pay for everything and balance school, and that in the end, my classes and grades are what is more important.
I've learned that my family is much more supportive than I thought they were.
I've learned that I can depend on my family for things I've grown accustomed to not depending on them for.
I've learned that my parents are amazing in more senses than one, and that I truly appreciate their presence in my life.
I've learned that a really great professor can make or break your semester.
I've learned that I am blessed.
I've learned that you can't always count on the people you thought you could.
I've learned that I can't depend on others for my own happiness.
I've learned that being a college student really does mean being poor...really poor sometimes.
I've learned that I am stronger than I thought in a lot of ways, and weak in ways I never thought I would be.
I've learned that I do have a few friendships that are true, and that I shouldn't ever take advantage of them.
I've learned that people aren't what I think.
I've learned that betraying yourself and your beliefs does not mean keeping the people you betrayed them for in the first place.
I've learned to count more on myself.
I've learned a lot this semester. It's been hard...really really hard...but when I get through all of this, maybe, just maybe, the lessons I've learned (and am sure to learn) will be worth it in the end.