I don't feel a thing

I think the worst emotion is numb.
When the tears have all left you,
and you've nothing left to give.
I didn't eat yesterday.
Just couldn't bring myself to do it.
The ball of sadness in my stomach was enough to keep me full.
I drank so much last night.
I made myself sick.
I laughed and took drags of my cigarette
while the cute boy ran his hand on the small of my back,
all the while thinking of the way you used to touch me.
But I just smiled, asked another question, and took another drag.
I played along in the drinking games, and sang along with the songs.
I got sick when I came home.
I couldn't feel how drunk I was.
I think the worst emotion is numb.

Tears of Epic Proportions...Surprised?

I cried a lot that night
more than I had over any guy
in a very long time.
I cried pools of tears
on the same sheets we had slept together on.
I sobbed loudly, at two in the morning
not caring if the neighbors heard.
I woke up this morning,
my brain in a fog, struggling
to remember what had happened,
but the sickening feeling in my stomach,
the kind you only get when someone dies,
or your parents are getting divorced,
told me it was real.
I walked to the living room,
I saw three pictures of you and I laughing
and dancing together
I went to the bathroom and remembered
how good it used to smell after you were done showering,
like my shampoo and your cologne.
I walked back to my bed
the scene of the heartbreak,
and on my way passed my old catholic school uniform
that had ridden around with me in my car for a week,
intending to see you.
I thought this would be easier
in fact it's harder than anything or anyone recently.
I thought I'd be okay, but I'm paralyzed.
I'm crying a lot this morning,
more than I have over anyone
in a very long time.