Going back to the girl you met;

the one you fell in love with.

She wants to run around,

with planned spontaneity.

Drinking far too much red,

and taking blurry pictures.

She wants to take walks,

to nowhere... to anywhere...

with you.

Some thoughts on my saturday afternoon epiphany

I had a epiphanic thought: I don't want to wake up one day

or have my brain snap to some day, and wish I had done more than I did.

I want to focus on myself enough to really enjoy everything.

I haven't been doing that.

Yes things can get painful this way, but I want to have stories to tell!

I want to have wisdom to impart.

It is going to be fucking hard at times.

I know this.

My heart will be, most likely, metaphorically ripped from my chest and left bleeding on someone's kitchen counter, or pillow case- as it were.

I have to be okay with that.

I want these thoughts to be recorded. So when it does get hard,

I can remember how clearly I saw this in my mind's eye.

I want to treat life like a tasting menu- try everything, don't get too committed to anything, unless you truly love it, and of course, pair with a good wine. :)

a pained heart's afternoon rant

I will the tears not to come,

but they do not listen.

I can't help but feel a vast emptiness within myself.

The cavern of where your love has been.

My heart is breaking,

in front of you, and me, and the world.

I feel as though everyone can see it.

As though it's tattooed on my face.

I feel myself desperately grabbing for something, anything

that could fill me again.

I want it back.

I miss my best friend.

I want weekend adventures, and pictures of you doing silly things.

I want my life back.

you...

I want to feel small in your arms,

and mighty with your support.

I feel as though my world is ending,

and there's nothing I can do but stand by and watch.

It's even harder because I'm the one that did it.

I'm the one who cut the final strings.

I hate myself.

I want so badly to feel whole again.

I don't know who I am without you anymore.

The pain will not stop, and neither will the the tears.

I'm exhausted.

I feel like no one understands.

I'm so tired, I just want this to end; for these feelings to go away and leave me alone.

I miss you.

I love you.

I'm sorry...